I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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