Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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