i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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