just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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