I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
