i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
