It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Randomize
