I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
