Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
50% drunk capacity currently
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
