At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
