mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
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Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
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It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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