best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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