apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
