I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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