I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
