Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
