yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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