my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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