ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
