If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I broke a rule
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.