Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(210): View more from Texas

I should be sponsored by Trojan

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray

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(908): View more from New Jersey

At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.

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(425): View more from Washington

so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.

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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(317): View more from Indiana

The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".

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(616): View more from Michigan

Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?

(1-616): View more from Michigan

I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.

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(252): View more from North Carolina

My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.

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(647): View more from Ontario

She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.

(416): View more from Toronto

This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.

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