My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?