hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Terrible idea I love it
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.