Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
