her vagine was all disorganized.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
