I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
