I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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