Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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