this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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