so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We talked him into tasing himself.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
