please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
