Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
