Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
