my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
