You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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