we're blogging at a bar
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
