What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
either way he was missing a nipple.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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