These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
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You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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