Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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