Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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