I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
