i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
