you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
