Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
