my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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