I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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