the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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