Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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