forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
The ass gains better be worth it
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