you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
