the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
