no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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