Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize