I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
