people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I got inside last night via doggy door
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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