i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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