An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
