Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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