Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
