Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
