now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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