is your mom at the bar?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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