I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
