I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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