I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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