You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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