I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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