I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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