I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
