beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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