I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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