If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
