Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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