I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
