I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
