would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
