oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
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Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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