2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
