I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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