White coat. Heels.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
